Prophetic /biz/ Anon and The Bitcoin Prophecy

The date is April 22nd, and Bitcoin is currently trading at $5,300.

Back in January 2019, just a few months prior to myself writing this, an anonymous user on 4chan’s /biz/ [business] board seemed to lay out a prophecy, one now seemingly as sacred as the Church of the Latter Day Saint’s “White Horse” prophecy.

Prophet-anon writes:

“The bottom was December 15, 2018. Just look at the charts. We are in the bull market. We are currently in the last 3 months of accumulation stage. After that, we will slowly rise and rise. Then we will boom.”

That second sentence is something Prophet-anon alludes to a lot: the charts. “The charts never lie.” He says. It is here I am reminded of Andrew Yang and his campaign based around MATH. However, there is also a moment of pessimism that comes before me. I am as well with this sentiment reminded of the 2016 U.S. Presidential election, and all the times I heard, “the polls never lie.” Well, the polls did lie. Bigly. However, there is a big distinction between charts and polls, and that distinction again is based around math. And if there is one blessed thing in our universe whom doesn’t lie, it would be mathematics. Mathematics may produce improbable results, or paradoxical conclusions that seem impossible, but what it never does is lie.

Which leaves us, dear reader, with our beloved Smug Anime Anon’s prophecy:

At the bottom pictured is his second allusion to the truth of and his faith in.. the charts. I didn’t get a degree in economics, I can’t verify this by looking at a graph and charting its wedges and support lines. So what can I do? Blindly trust an anonymous anime poster on a Japanese-American image board, referred to sometimes as one of the darkest corners of the web: 4chan.

If this anon, 3 months ago, accurately predicted the price of Bitcoin in April 2019, then why not have some faith in this internet finance magician and trust his even further predictions:

July 2019 – BTC ~ $9,200, October $16,000, February 2020 ~$29,000, July 2020 ~$56,000, November 2020 ~$87,000.

/biz/ prophet’s projections. So far he is 1 for 1.

So obviously with this crypto-Dr. Michael Burry (we’ve all seen The Big Short, haven’t we, dear reader?) this anon may be seeing something in between the lines that none of us else are. Or perhaps he’s just another /biz/tard who got one lucky guess.

No way to find out until July [his next prediction] to find out! But fiat is trashed anyway, no? Buy the future. Buy Bitcoin.

[Autistic Mercury is strictly satire, especially this post. Do not take financial advice from a blog post, ever. Especially this one.]

Much more easy.

This is the future.

This is crypto.